Some of the news that is fit to print

Kids say the darnest things...

I'm at Target Friday buying a cooler for the dog's insulin -- of course! -- and ended up picking up a few other things... including a paper shredder. I have been wanting to get a shredder for awhile because it just makes sense, right? And what better shredder to get than one designed by one of my favorite architects, Michael Graves, who does all sorts of stuff for Target. (Check out the super-fab Graves dog house!)

Anyway, while I was shredder shopping, I heard a kid offer a quote that I never thought I would hear:
"Dad! A shredder! Can I get one? We can shred things!"

Toto, we're not in Kansas anymore!

Be sure to respond in the form of a question...

I don't often blog about work stuff, but this is just too irresistible.

We are going to be interviewing a job candidate who is a five-time Jeopardy winner. I'm sure he has heard every joke in the book, but... does this mean that throughout the interview, we have to supply the answers and he supplies the questions?

I wouldn't have to be paraniod, part II...

So I opined about Fox's Bill O'Reilly before... and O'Reilly has been involved in the Mel Gibson movie mess (more here and here)...

Anyway, overall I find O'Reilly to be terribly thin skinned and paranoid. I am going to have to relisten to the "Fresh Air" interview given NPR ombud Jeffrey Dvorkin's seemingly very reasoned take on the whole thing.

All that being said, O'Reilly takes himself way too seriously!

O'Reilly: No one has been able to prove that Fox leans right [Philadelphia Daily News]
Bill O'Reilly is pleased with NPR ombud Jeffrey Dvorkin's take on his "Fresh Air" appearance, but he's still bad-mouthing show host Terry Gross. "I don't trust the woman, I feel that she's got an agenda," he says. "Her sensibilities lie in the area that I'm evil and what I'm doing is bad." He adds: "There's no question [NPR is] a left-wing outfit." He denies, though, that Fox News Channel leans right. "No one has been able to prove [the] assertion."

A place with space...

Living a Full Life — in a Tiny Space
Having an abundance of living space has long reigned as an American ideal. But a move away from big homes may be on the horizon, leaving people to find new ways to live without so much stuff.

Phone check...

Not coat check, but...
An article in USA Today notes that at a Britney Spears party held by Rolling Stone, attendees were required to check their cell phones along with their coats -- to prevent people from taking photos with them during the event. "That has prompted speculation that cell phones could be banned at other social gatherings attended by celebrities," wrote Charisse Jones. Hmmm. For many people (especially journalists), giving up their phone to a stranger is like handing over their wallets; I think we'll see a backlash among phone users against such demands should this trend spread. I also suspect that the privacy scares being raised by photo phones will ease up in time, as the culture gets used to everyone carrying a camera in their pockets at all times. While bans of phone photography in locker rooms and the like should and will endure, other efforts at taking away phones should fade away as living in a world of ubiquitous photography becomes routine.

Mel's Passion

Mel's "Passion" by Any Other Name
Mel Gibson hasn't lost his Passion, just his movie title.

And in case you haven't been following the controversy about Mel's movie...
Here is an item from the UK Guardian...
and this item from my old blog...

Rules for shopping at Costco...

As posted on DC's Craigslist.org

Rules for shopping at Costco , formerly known as PriceClub...

Date: Mon Sep 01 20:49:55 2003

1. After you show your card to the front door babe who is too busy to notice because she is flapping her mouth off to another lazy employee about what went on at the club last night, keep your ass moving. Do not stop at the big gigantic stainless steel tool chest(which is useless) or the 900 inch TV. You cant afford that either. You're in the way of people like me who gots to get to the meat section cause I gots a killer BBQ to do tomorrow.

2. Costco was not conceived, financed and built just for you and your slow ass family. When you show up you do not automatically own the place. There's nothing worse than having an urgent need to get in and out of the damn store and I'm stuck behind your big fat flat ass, your pussy whipped dumb ass drooling husband, your 97 year old grandmother, your stuck up teenage daughter and the the little 6 year old "accident" you proudly call Amy who cant keep her spoiled hyperactive ass out of the way of everyone's shopping carts. Maybe she'll learn when I run her little L.L. Bean ass over with a flat cart with a 500lb gun safe on it. Another little shit raised on Dr. Spock books.

3. There's ALWAYS too many people in Costco. Most of them seem to think this is the greatest thing to come along since the whites moved out of South Central L.A. in '65. Please leave the entire family outside and give them enough money to gorge themselves on cheap pizza and hot dogs. Otherwise, keep them the hell out of my way.

4. You look like shit in any of the new clothes there. Keep moving.

5. Costco is not always a bargain. Neither was Fedco. You dont need to horde everthing for the afterlife. Yes, some stuff is unique but there's a reason they dont put unit pricing on everything like they do in supermarkets. That way you cant compare. And since you cant compare please stop worrying out aloud whether or not the salmon will go with the sourdough bread. I dont give a fuck. Put your shit in the basket and get the fuck out of my way.

6. You do realize that you have to buy a lot just to break even on you membership fee? Keep moving please.

7. If your stupid ass cant steer a shopping cart then just stay out of the fuckin store.

8. If you stop to look at ONE of the 425 different Celine Dionne CD' and you leave your cart in the middle of the aisle AND you ignore everyone who need to pass then your ass needs to be dragged out behind the store and shot. At least you wont be in anyone's way anymore, especially mine.

9. We're finally in the dreaded checkout line and unfortunatley you are in front of all of us and we hate you. You have enought food in two carts to feed all the starving children in South America and most of it is strange, off-the-wall expensive boutique shit no one else ever buys. Your Nextel rings and you decide, for whatever goddam reason, that you have to use the walkie-talkie feature so that everyone around can hear.
As if we all didnt know already, you are a person of privelege. You conversation is peppered with the words "checks", "accounts" and "dividends". We sigh. The rest of this conversation usually goes something like this, complete with Nextel and car keys on a soccer mom lanyard in the right hand while placing the boutique food on the belt wth the left hand:

"Yeah, we'll get the boat when we get there. Steve and Barbara have a place for us on their ranch. No, we'll probably go over to Florida after that. Why dont you all meet us there? What? Oh, sure, they just finished tiling the floor in the master guest room yesterday so by the time you get there everything should be fine. Yeah. No, the horses will be there by Thursday. Uh huh. Yeah, Tina will be coming in from Vermont on Wednesday and she'll bring the papers with her. I know, I can hardly wait...".

10. You know what? Fuck you, fuck Steve and Barbara, fuck Tina, fuck the guest house, fuck the boat, the motherfuckin horses and fuck your wonderful life. Move the goddam baskets forward bitch. I dont have all day for this bullshit.

11. Granny is dressed in all black, is obviously from some ancient far away civilization and is staring everyone in the store like they have the plague. Next time, ask her what she wants at Costco and leave her old ass at home next to her alter and candles and shit. She's giving everyone the creeps. She's probably putting a hex on everyone. I thought I saw her sneak into her purse and throw some strange powder on some poor kid when he wasnt looking. I got out of her way. I already have enough damn problems.

12. For the love of Sister Mary Joseph look at yourself in the mirror before you come to Costco. You cant get much worse than somone's 48 year old mom with a gigantic flat ass wearing pink capri spandex pant, toes that hang over the edge of sandals, huge 54DD hanging titties underneath a cheap tank top with no bra and a big ass pale peek-a-boo belly button with a tatto on it. Come on people, give us a goddam break please. I was gonna have a hot dog and pretzel after this. Shit.

13. SPEAK ENGLISH. I'd like to know what the hell all the excitement is over a large box of fruit roll-ups and why all twelve members of your family are having a cow over it in the middle of the aisle. Please put the damn box in your cart and dance around it at home. And get the hell out of my way, please.

14. Oops. I just ran over Amy's little L.L. Bean ass with the flat cart that has the 500lb gun safe on it, 20lbs of ribs, various spices, 5 gallons of ice cream, two watermelons and a box of chocolate covered rasins. Lil bitch was in my way. She'll feel better when she gets to Florida.

Buck the dog